I just had a panic attack for the first time in a year. There really wasn’t a reason for it. I used to have them all the time, especially when I’m driving which is probably the worst time to have one. It was weird. I started to get paranoid about something dumb, so I called my best friend. I went outside, cried a little, smoked a cigarette then I went in my room and that’s when it happened. The shortness of breath, the racing thoughts, the crying. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was scary because I didn’t think I’d ever have one again. Luckily, I have the most perfect best friend in the world. She talked me through it and calmed me down. You know, I am a very lucky person. I have a few of the most awesome, lovely best friends anyone could ask for. I have an amazing boyfriend who stays with me despite my flaws (and there’s quite a few of them.) I have a caring family but no matter how good my life is, I always feel like there’s something wrong. No matter how good my day is, when I get home at night and I’m alone all I can think of is cutting. When I drink, even when I’m having a good time, I want to cut. I guess it just goes to show you that no matter how old you get, no matter how great everything is going, addiction is addiction.

#panic attack #depression #anxiety #cutting #self harm #happy #sad #okay #best friend #boyfriend